The Diary Of Roxanne Richardson
by Slo Motion
Summary: AU. Roxanne Richardson shocked the whole town of Glen Oak by killing herself. Now, take a look into her diary. There are entries dating back to when she first came to Glen Oak up until her death day. Discontinued
1. Prologue

**Title: **"The Diary Of Roxanne Richardson"

**Genre: **General, tragedy(later on), multi chaptered story, diary entry chapters

**Rating: **PG-13; for language, sexual references, and mentions of suicide later on

**Main POV: **Roxanne, through her diary

**Coupling: **Mentions of the pairings Roxanne/Stanley(her ex boyfriend that we never saw on the show), Roxanne/Robbie, Roxanne/Smitty(that guy she was supposed to go out with in the episode 'Lost Souls), Roxanne/Chandler, Roxanne/Paul, and Roxanne/Bill

**Summary: **AU. Roxanne Richardson shocked the whole town of Glen Oak by killing herself. Now, take a look into her diary. There are entries dating back to when she first came to Glen Oak up until her death day. Continued from 'Here Lies Roxanne'.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything that has to do with 7th Heaven. I am making NO money off of this story. I'm just writing this story for fun.

**Setting: **September of 2002-March of 2004, so the 8th and 7th seasons.

**A/N: **This idea came out of nowhere one day, I swear. And I thought since there were already a few diary stories about Ruthie and Lucy, why not do one for Roxanne? I'm not sure how long this will be yet, so just stick with me. And also, if you couldn't tell, this is a counter story to my one-short story 'Here Lies Roxanne'.

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Prologue 

Roxanne Cecile Richardson was born on March 19th, 1981 to Terrence, better known as Terry, and Michelle Richardson. She was the oldest of three children. She had a younger sister named Hannah Richardson. She also had a younger brother named Sean Richardson, who died at birth.

Roxanne grew up in the small town of Oakdale, New Jersey for the first few years of her life. But then, when she was only 11, Roxanne's mother was mysteriously murdered after witnessing a domestic abuse attack upon one of her neighbors and reporting it to the police. Terry decided it would be best if he moved himself, Hannah, and Roxanne in order to get a fresh start. But Hannah, who was only 6 at the time, refused to leave her mother's grave behind. So Hannah moved in with her Aunt and Uncle who both also lived in Oakdale by Roxanne's family.

Roxanne and Terry then relocated to Miami, Florida. They lived there for about ten years. In this time Roxanne met Stanley Rush, her boyfriend from her freshman year of high school up until Roxanne was 21 in 2002. The reason Roxanne and Stanley broke up is because Stanley did not want to have a long-distance relationship with Roxanne after she moved again.

Roxanne and Terry decided to move again. But this time as far away the haunting memories of New Jersey as possible. At this time Terry had been working many hours, he was a cop. Roxanne had followed in his footsteps and also was a cop. So the two got their jobs transferred, and shortly after that they relocated to a small town called Glen Oak in California. Hannah, who was now 16, still refused to leave her childhood hometown and remained in Oakdale.

Not much is known about Roxanne's life in Glen Oak. She basically adjusted to life there. She had two close friends named Lucy and Kevin. She was also dating a guy named Robbie Palmer for a while. She also dated a guy by the name of Chandler Hampton, but they broke up and later became the best of friends. But then Chandler realized his feelings for Roxanne were love, not friendship. But they never reunited as a couple.

This is because Roxanne committed suicide on March 23rd, 2004. Chandler found her laying her bathroom floor on the same day he had come to her house to admit how he really felt about her. Her wrists were slit up and there was a bloody knife on the floor near her. There was also a suicide note, which included Roxanne's final words to the world and her final will.

No one is really sure of why Roxanne killed herself. Terry is much too upset to talk about his daughter's death. Jamie Carter, Elizabeth Martins, Leslie Tyler, Lucy Kinkirk, Kevin Kinkirk, and pretty much all of Roxanne's friends refuse to accept the fact that she's dead. Chandler is the only one willing enough to help find clues to why Roxanne would do something as drastic as killing herself. Roxanne granted Chandler all of her journals to read in her final will. So now, Chandler is about to read the diary of Roxanne. He has picked the one that goes from 2002 up until the day she killed herself.

Welcome to the diary of: Roxanne Cecile Richardson (1981-2004)...

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**A/N: **Hope you guys like this story so far. Please review and tell me what you think.

-Alexa


	2. The New Girl In Town

**September 16th, 2002: The New Girl In Town**

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing in awhile, but the move from Miami to Glen Oak has kept me pretty busy.

My dad and I have been living in Glen Oak for about four days now. Well let's see, it's Monday and we arrived here on Thursday. Thursday...Friday...Saturday...Sunday...Monday. Yep, that's four days.

Anyway, I met my new work partner today. His name is Kevin Kinkirk. He's pretty cute, kind of sexy too, but he's not really my type.

Besides, Kevin has this bitch of a girlfriend named Lucy. God, she is **SO ANNOYING!** She's loud, rude, nasty, overly opinionated, and just a plain asshole...but I won't go on about her.

I also ran into Robbie Palmer today, he's sort of an old flame. I mean, I had this huge crush on him in 7th grade...and that was how many years ago?! It turns out that he's living with Lucy's family, the Camdens, these days. Robbie and I caught up a little, and made out A LOT, when we ran into each other on the Camdens' front porch. And we almost went out on a date...BUT, Lucy ruined our night (grrr)!

Shoot, the phone's ringing! It's probably Jamie calling to give me an update of how things are in Miami(like she has every night since the move). I'll write back soon, bye!

Roxanne

P.S. Wish me luck as the "new girl" in town!


	3. My Friday Night

**September 17th, 2002: My Friday Night**

Dear Diary,

Friday night. Date night. Well, not for me at least. I broke up with Stanley today.

Stanley, he was just getting a little too jealous and overly clingy for my taste. Plus, it's so annoying keeping up with this damned long-distance relationship thing. I mean, he's always like, "Are you cheating on me, Roxanne?" It's driving me insane! INSANE, you hear me! So I ended things before I dug myself into a ditch of easy lying.

Note to self: me plus a long-distance relationship equals NO!

I'm thinking about calling Robbie now that I'm no longer "Stanley's girl", as he once called me. I really like Robbie. And I think things could be good between us, unlike Stanley and me. But, I'm kind of afraid to. Lucy will probably go psycho on me for dating her ex-boyfriend, even if her and Robbie only dated for a week pretty much.

Well, I'm going to watch some TV now.

Another note to self: TV soap operas plus a gallon of ice cream equals my Friday night.

Pathetic, huh? Well, the SoapNet channel is calling my name. Bye!

Roxanne


	4. Music

**September 21st, 2002: Music **

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing in awhile. Life has been pretty good I guess you can say.

I've decided not to call Robbie. I'm just going to wait for him to call me.

Which, knowing my luck with boyfriends, will not be for another 10 million

years.

I'm so bored. I haven't made any new friends since the move. I spend most of

my days in the house watching TV or hoping for Robbie to call.

Anyway, bad news, I ran into Lucy today. I was just out getting some ice

cream at a local deli and there she was. Here's what was said between us:

Lucy: Roxanne? Is that you?

Me: Yes, Lucy, last time I checked it was me.

Lucy: Listen here blondie; I know you want Kevin! Well, back off, he's mine!

Me: Look, Lucy, I don't know what you're high on, but I have no interest in

Kevin at all. It's Robbie I like.

Lucy: Sure...that's what they all say!

Me: Ok...I'm leaving now.

Lucy: I'm watching you, Roxanne!

Yeah, that was really weird. It scared the shit out of me. Well, now, I'm just

sitting here listening to one of my favorite songs. _'Every Time'_ by Jessica

Andrews. I love that song! I'm now singing along with it to my headphones...

_"Oh, carry me _

_Far away_

_Don't hold back_

_I won't break_

_Leave the ghosts behind _

_All I know_

_Wrong or right_

_Just the thought of this night_

_Will get me every time_

_Every time..."_

Ah, I love listening to music after a long day. Oh yeah, Hannah sent me a

letter today. It was nice hearing my from sister again. I still wished she'd

come to Glen Oak and live with dad and me. Then at least I'd have someone

to hang out with and junk. And protect me from Lucy, who is probably

plotting my murder in her sleep.

Sheesh! Look at the time! I've still gotta email Leslie and Hannah. I'll write

back in a few, k? Bye!

Mauh! Love,

Roxanne C. Richardson

P.S. "_Every time, every time..."_


	5. Call Waiting

**September 22nd, 2002: Call Waiting**

Jeez! Robbie is NEVER going to call me! I'm going to go crazy! CRAZY!!!! Wait, I think I've already gone it.

Keep cool, Roxanne, don't lose it.

Anyway, enough about 'Robbie's never going to call me'. I guess I should the 411 on my day now.

Let us see, a day in the life of Roxanne Richardson...

Stanley called me today. That asshole had the nerve to ask me if we could still be friends. I told him off. If that creep thinks he can accuse me of cheating on him and then just expect me to be his friend then fuck him! That's right, I said it, FUCK HIM! I hate Stanley.

But enough about my ex. The rest of my day was average. I rented_ Charlie's Angels_ from Video World and I'm going to watch it later tonight. And I wrote a song out of boredom in a notebook at work today, here's the first verse...

_Walk away from me _

_Take my life away_

_Crush my love and desire_

_Leave me sitting by my phone_

_Anticipating _

_Escaping_

_And call waiting_

So it doesn't make sense, I know. But I've never been much of a writer really. I only write about things I feel strongly about. And I wrote this because it's how Robbie's making me feel right now. I'm just waiting, and waiting, and call waiting, I guess you could say.

_Take my heart _

_Break my heart_

_Love me_

_Hate me_

_But please, don't hurt me_

Sorry, I'm on a roll. Well, I've got to get going now. Bye!

All my love to you,

Roxanne


	6. Stress

**September 25th, 2002: Stress**

Dear Diary,

Can you say bad day? I can, in five different languages. But that, my friend, is a story for another day.

I had a terribly long and totally stressful day. Let me recap…

I woke up, that was stress within its own. My frickin' alarm clock's circuits are fired, now I have to buy a damn new one.

And on top of that, I couldn't find ANYTHING to wear. Why did today have to be casual day at work? I just ended up wearing my stupid uniform anyway. What a waste of a perfect day to wear comfortable clothes instead of my ass-tight uniform. I was, and still am, pissed off.

So I went to work. God, can you say boring?! Kinkirk kept rambling on about Lucy. I swear, all day it was: "I love Lucy this" or "I love Lucy that". Sheesh, he's so hung up on Lucy he has no life outside of her. Pathetic. And I couldn't get him to shut the hell up!

And then I came home, but only after I was assigned to have a report on a local accident typed by tomorrow.

My Aunt Meltilda was there.

Ugh, I hate Aunt Meltilda. Picture this: a nasty, frumpy, cheap, stuck-up, fake red lipstick wearing, old bitch of a woman and you've got Aunt Meltilda.

She's my mom's sister. I don't even know why she bugs me, dad, or Hannah now that's mom's been dead for almost ten years.

I swear. The woman is Satan in high-heals and cheap designer clothes. All day the bitch picked at me.

"Roxanne, are you _ever_ going to lose weight? You're a _cow_."

"Dear, _I_ wouldn't eat that if _I_ were _you_. You _know_ it causes _wrinkles_."

"You're wearing _that_!? You look like a _hooker_ in _that dress_!"

To hell with you, Aunt Meltilda.

Well, I've got to go. I'm too heavy on stress to write anymore. And I hear dad calling me, he probably wants to get the demon off his hands and on mine. Someone shoot me! Hope I'm in a better mood next time.

Love,

Roxanne


	7. Angel Madness

**September 30th, 2002: Angel Madness**

Dear Diary,

It's Roxanne again! Man. I can't believe September is over already. It feels like it just started yesterday.

Life goes on, and Robbie (sigh) still hasn't called me. I mean…it's been 14 days (yes, I kept count) since we hooked up. I might as well give up on Robbie, Kinkirk's been telling me that Robbie is still in love with Mary, Lucy's older sister.

Oh well, that's just me. My luck bites when it comes to guys. Need I remind you of my days with Stanley?

And speaking of guys, did you know that Kinkirk has a brother? A cute one. His name is Ben. He seems nice. But I won't bother trying to call him because Kev told me he's still got a torch burning for Mary, much like Robbie. What's up with all the guys I want to date being in love with Mary? I wish I were her. But also not, because I heard she's dating a guy twice her age. And it was that same ass that hit on me at the Pool Hall that one night! SO GROSS!!!

And did I mention that my Aunt Meltilda's still here? She's driving me crazy! Darn witch overstayed her welcome. More like unwelcome.

And cousin Lenny called today. He gave me an update on Hannah. She's doing fine. But I soooo want her to move to Glen Oak! I miss her! I have NOBODY to talk to!

Aaahhh!!! Save me!!!

Well, the phone's ringing. It's probably Leslie, Jamie, and Elizabeth. We're going to four-way talk. So, I've got to get going. Bye friend!

Love ya,

Roxxxie (nickname, don't ask)

P.S. My song of the day is…

_Why  
Am I standing on a cloud  
Every time you're around  
And my sadness disappears  
Every time you are near _

_You must be an angel  
I can see it in your eyes  
Full of wonder and surprise  
And just now I realize_

_Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
In disguise, I can see it your eyes_

_Walking down a crowded avenue  
Other faces seem like nothing next to you  
And I can't hear the traffic rushing by  
Just the pounding of my heart  
And that's why_

_You must be an angel  
I can see it in your eyes  
Full of wonder and surprise  
And just now I realize_

_Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
In disguise, I can see it your eyes_

_Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
In disguise, I can see it your eyes_

_You're an angel  
You're an angel, baby  
You're an angel  
You must be an angel_

_Now I believe that dreams come true  
Cause you came when I wished for you  
This just can't be coincidence  
The only way that this makes sense is that_

_Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
In disguise, I can see it your eyes_

_Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
Oooh, you're an angel  
In disguise, I can see it your eyes_

_You're an angel  
You're an angel, baby  
You're an angel  
You must be an angel, baby_

_Clouds just disappear_

If you didn't know, the name of the song is _Angel_. It's an old Madonna from her 1984 album _Like A Virgin_. I know all nine tracks by heart. It was the first CD I ever brought. Anyway, I pulled the CD out al of my old junk yesterday and found this and listened to the whole thing, and this song's nailed in my head! I wish I had a guy like the one Madonna's singing about in this song, sigh…


	8. Missing Mom

**October 7th, 2002: Missing Mom**

Dear Diary,

Sorry for lazing out on my updating this thing. I just kind of lost interest in it, you know?

Anyway, I still can't convince Hannah to move out here. She refuses to leave Oakdale. I guess she really misses Mom. So do I.

I think we all do. Life has felt so empty without Mom around for the last ten years.

July 10th, 1992. Mom's been gone for ten long years.

I remember all the things that Mom did with Hannah and me. Like when we'd go bowling, out for ice cream, to the movies, the way we played "Clue" every Tuesday night.

I miss all of that. Dad never did anything with me or Hannah after Mom's death. He just worked. Worked, worked, worked. He never even asked how Hannah and I felt after Mom died.

I miss Mom so much. But she's gone. Oh god, I'm tearing up. I have to go now.

RIP, Mom. I love you…

Love, Roxanne


	9. Opened Heart, Literally

**October 8th, 2002: Opened Heart, Literally **

I was so upset about Mom last time that I forgot to mention: ROBBIE HAS CALLED ME!

But, of course, it was only after I told him to drop dead, shoved him into a wall, and gave him one hell of a hard kiss. My lips were throbbing. I think he got the message.

But for some reason, after all my wanting him to call me, I don't really feel that happy. I mean, Robbie's an ok guy and everything, but I just don't think he's "the one".

I guess it's like what Mom always used to say: "Roxanne, one day you will meet the one guy the for you. And he will be the perfect guy. You'll love each other, despite your flaws. He'll never hurt you. And he'll always excite you whenever you're with him."

But yet I've grown bored with Robbie when we only went out once…oh well, I guess I just have to keep on looking for that "one" guy.

Well, remember how I told you I dug up my old Madonna album? Well today after I heard the new hit from Kylie Minogue, "Come Into My World", on the radio, I had to dig out all my old Kylie albums. I found them all, 1988-1998. I never noticed how much I neglected my old ones after I got "Light Years" and "Fever". Oh well, I love listening to "I Should Be So Lucky"...I should be so lucky/Lucky, lucky, lucky/ I should be so lucky in love…Damn, that's catchy.

Did I mention that Lucy's dad Eric needs open-heart surgery? No joke! Kevin told me today at work. Eric never struck me as weak and sickly. And who will run the church while's he's recovering…?

Ah, what do I care? I don't even go to church. Well, bye.

Roxanne


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